Let us help your son

[Torben]

Dear Honoured Harald Redbeard and Aud Wisewoman,

Allow me to formally introduce myself, I am Broar Hofarson (aka Broar Broarson) a resident of Boldhome as well as a God and an initiate of the blessed cult of Chalana Arroy. I was also, until very recently, a member of Lhankor Mhy but grew tired of their tedious ceremonies and obsession with books and scrolls, good grief it was tedious stuff!! You see when I first joined them they virtually promised me a path to enlightenment and cult promotion BUT what did I get.....nigh on a year of arranging scrolls, dusting off book cases and a rash from wearing one of their damned false beards! No, they had to go as I've far more important things to do with my time, like healing people, being nice and spreading kindness everywhere.

This brings me to my reason for writing to you, my increasing concerns for your son, and my friend, Erik. I assume you are unaware of his increasing bizarre behaviour and psychopathic tendencies? The poor fellow is sadly deranged, my suspicion is that he is possessed by some foul entity of Chaos and I've been working hard on a cure for him, by the gods how many hours I've spent in medical study I've truly lost count as his is, by far, the most serious case to date that I've seen. I hate to tell you this but I believe, as his parents, you've the right to know and to be reassured that there is someone seeking to help him.

Did you know this month the voices in his head, yes he is plagued by many of these, convinced him to apply for several key positions here in the city - Kings Champion and Captain of the prestigious Mularik's Escort! I know, it's ridiculous isn't it, the poor chap believing he could truly be His Majesty's Champion or the Escort Captain....that's how totally loopy he has become! I'm sure you'll agree with me that if anyone is to be the Kings Champion well, naturally, it should be me as I'm the joint leading duellist champion in the city and with my new outlook on life, that of peace and harmony if I were to be awarded the post I could solve everything through rational discussion and serenity rather than all this roughty toughty nonsense with swords and spears etc.

Now, let me get back to the business of sorting out a cure for Erik. I think I may have something that will work, however such a major cure does not, I'm afraid, come cheaply and so I was wondering if you could contribute towards this financially. I'll chuck in 50% of it if you could fund the other, I reckon it will be no more than, say, around 150 lunars. That may seem a lot but it's a bargain really to get your son back to normal again, as loving parents you must want that right? Yes, of course you do and that is why I know you will happily forward the monies to me this coming month.

In return I give you my promise, as a God and a Chalana Arroy Initiate (God Talker in waiting) to make Erik my number one patient until such time as he is cured. If that wasn't good enough I'm also prepared to accept both of you into my cult immediately as Initiates with all the benefits such a position comes with! Please, no, don't thank me it's the least I can do for my friend Erik did you know that I'm joining his regiment this month too, just so I can keep an eye on him and to keep him safe as that's the nice person that I am, anything for my friends.

So, send over the money as soon as and I'll fully get down to work. Just a couple of quick questions though to help me in that endeavour, can I ask was Erik ever dropped on his head as a child? Did he seem to be a bit of a loner, sat away from your other children and preferring to spend time alone in his room rather than with children of his own age?

May the blessed Goddess watch over you both, just like God Broar will do.

[Erik]

To the contemptible little Malani worm Broar Hofarson,

We are aware, from our Colymar friends in Boldhome, of your increasingly frantic efforts to find money to pay off your increasing loans. You are just as much a failure as a con artist as you have been in your other ventures, although it makes a change from the "Malani Prince wants to send you 1.000.000 Lunars" scam that is more commonly associated with your tribe. But please continue sending your begging letters (well, until your creditors finally lose patience and send you to the front in disgrace). We can always use paper in the privy.

Harald Redbeard
Aud Wisewoman

Proud parents of Erik Stargazer
Colymar Tribe