To: The Deputy of Public Harmony
Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2023 2:00 pm
Salutations Great Deputy,
Firstly allow me to formally introduce myself, I am Broar Hofarson, I very much suspect you have heard of me already as I'm an up and coming young man with a reputation for hosting splendid parties coupled with the keen desire to obtain much knowledge AND to offer my services to Chalana Arroy.
This clearly sets me above some of the more coarse individuals currently inhabiting our fair City, crude, aggressive types who, rather than enjoy the peaceful harmony of a civil existence with their fellow man, seemingly focus upon the complete opposite and cause pain, suffering, upset and mayhem through their actions. It's awful, Great Deputy, simply awful and it takes a brave man to step forward and speak out on the behalf of others......fortunately I'm one such brave man, very brave in fact when you consider the very real threats I am facing and how, by going public, I could be facing even greater danger!
However, I have every faith in your wisdom and capability as our Deputy of Public Harmony and blessed Lankhor Mhy, all praise to his massively bushy beard, came to me in a visitation last night and revealed to me that you were the best person who can help...he said, 100%, you are the fellow who can sort all this out and restore order to Boldhome once again.
To what, or rather whom (!), am I referring......well, that dreadful Erik Stargazer bloke....one of those stinky Colymar types, you must have heard of them...think Afur whats' hisname, Breakaleg or something, I whipped him good and proper in a duel a few months back, in fact I reckon I did break his leg or at least cut a bit of one off (!), he's one of the Colymar too and this Erik is his mate. Anyway the said Erik is a psychopath, simple as, he has been running around the City challenging decent people to duels in order to feed his insatiable appetite for blood and violence!!
I'm a man of love, knowledge and, I cannot stress enough here (what with you being the Deputy for Public Harmony) sweet harmony. Despite all of this Evil Erik keeps on ranting about fighting me, he won't listen to reason, he wont accept the hand of friendship, he won't put an end to this duel nonsense EVEN THOUGH I offered to renounce my tribe and become a member of his.....nothing....nothing seems to get through to him....so, this is where you and your good Office come in! I'm calling upon you to arrest the nutter and have him executed or exiled or something that basically means he's off the scene permanently, you've got lots of guards and know how to go about protecting innocents...protect me Great Deputy, protect Boldhome's greatest hope for the future as I'm a chap destined to achieve marvellous things, Lankhor Mhy revealed that to me too, albeit in another vision, and the City cannot be deprived of my glory because some maniac is trying to cut my head off!
May I be so bold as to suggest that you wait for him, in concealment of course, at the Dragon Gate. The oaf announced this as the place where he hopes / intends to commit his thuggery and you could have one of your guards dress up like me and make out I'm coming along to fight this duel so when Evil Erik starts mouthing off his boasts and waving his weapon about....whoooosshhhh....the rest of your men rush in from all sides and bind the beast up in double quick time...easy peasy! I'd just say here, even though I'm a man of love, knowledge and...errr..ummh..oh, yes, harmony, that was it, harmony, I'd not say anything if during the course of his capture the odd kick or two to the head or, better still, the family jewels were to 'accidentally' occur....I'm sure you get my drift....I'd not say a word...total discretion...and Lankhor Mhy revealed to me that this would be ok and there won't be any comeback on you.
Once Evil Erik is out of the way I'd be delighted to invite you along to my drinking establishment, the quite upmarket Scribbled Scroll, have you been there before? I highly recommend it and you don't need to worry about the requirements to get in, I can vouch for you as my guest and one of the employees will have you brought straight over to my table. We can raise a mug or two in fine merriment and perhaps I could let you have a few details about some other subversive types I have concerns over.....sure to be of great interest to yourself as Deputy....how are you fixed for Ferrets, by the way, do you need one? If so, I've a keen eye and ear for issues affecting harmony within the City, I'm sure I could be of assistance to you and all it's people...excluding the Colymar....oh, and any dwarves that may be around...can't stand the race, there's something perverse about them...I think it may be the beards and them being so short kind of makes a sort of mockery of Lankhor Mhy, what with him being a very tall and noble God and these Dwarves all stumpy and beardy, it just doesn't go right. By the way, do Ferrets get a wage? It's not the money, of course, as I'd only donate it to a temple or give it away to the needy but best to ask these things in advance.
I look forward to hearing from you and maybe serving you in the future as a Ferret.
Firstly allow me to formally introduce myself, I am Broar Hofarson, I very much suspect you have heard of me already as I'm an up and coming young man with a reputation for hosting splendid parties coupled with the keen desire to obtain much knowledge AND to offer my services to Chalana Arroy.
This clearly sets me above some of the more coarse individuals currently inhabiting our fair City, crude, aggressive types who, rather than enjoy the peaceful harmony of a civil existence with their fellow man, seemingly focus upon the complete opposite and cause pain, suffering, upset and mayhem through their actions. It's awful, Great Deputy, simply awful and it takes a brave man to step forward and speak out on the behalf of others......fortunately I'm one such brave man, very brave in fact when you consider the very real threats I am facing and how, by going public, I could be facing even greater danger!
However, I have every faith in your wisdom and capability as our Deputy of Public Harmony and blessed Lankhor Mhy, all praise to his massively bushy beard, came to me in a visitation last night and revealed to me that you were the best person who can help...he said, 100%, you are the fellow who can sort all this out and restore order to Boldhome once again.
To what, or rather whom (!), am I referring......well, that dreadful Erik Stargazer bloke....one of those stinky Colymar types, you must have heard of them...think Afur whats' hisname, Breakaleg or something, I whipped him good and proper in a duel a few months back, in fact I reckon I did break his leg or at least cut a bit of one off (!), he's one of the Colymar too and this Erik is his mate. Anyway the said Erik is a psychopath, simple as, he has been running around the City challenging decent people to duels in order to feed his insatiable appetite for blood and violence!!
I'm a man of love, knowledge and, I cannot stress enough here (what with you being the Deputy for Public Harmony) sweet harmony. Despite all of this Evil Erik keeps on ranting about fighting me, he won't listen to reason, he wont accept the hand of friendship, he won't put an end to this duel nonsense EVEN THOUGH I offered to renounce my tribe and become a member of his.....nothing....nothing seems to get through to him....so, this is where you and your good Office come in! I'm calling upon you to arrest the nutter and have him executed or exiled or something that basically means he's off the scene permanently, you've got lots of guards and know how to go about protecting innocents...protect me Great Deputy, protect Boldhome's greatest hope for the future as I'm a chap destined to achieve marvellous things, Lankhor Mhy revealed that to me too, albeit in another vision, and the City cannot be deprived of my glory because some maniac is trying to cut my head off!
May I be so bold as to suggest that you wait for him, in concealment of course, at the Dragon Gate. The oaf announced this as the place where he hopes / intends to commit his thuggery and you could have one of your guards dress up like me and make out I'm coming along to fight this duel so when Evil Erik starts mouthing off his boasts and waving his weapon about....whoooosshhhh....the rest of your men rush in from all sides and bind the beast up in double quick time...easy peasy! I'd just say here, even though I'm a man of love, knowledge and...errr..ummh..oh, yes, harmony, that was it, harmony, I'd not say anything if during the course of his capture the odd kick or two to the head or, better still, the family jewels were to 'accidentally' occur....I'm sure you get my drift....I'd not say a word...total discretion...and Lankhor Mhy revealed to me that this would be ok and there won't be any comeback on you.
Once Evil Erik is out of the way I'd be delighted to invite you along to my drinking establishment, the quite upmarket Scribbled Scroll, have you been there before? I highly recommend it and you don't need to worry about the requirements to get in, I can vouch for you as my guest and one of the employees will have you brought straight over to my table. We can raise a mug or two in fine merriment and perhaps I could let you have a few details about some other subversive types I have concerns over.....sure to be of great interest to yourself as Deputy....how are you fixed for Ferrets, by the way, do you need one? If so, I've a keen eye and ear for issues affecting harmony within the City, I'm sure I could be of assistance to you and all it's people...excluding the Colymar....oh, and any dwarves that may be around...can't stand the race, there's something perverse about them...I think it may be the beards and them being so short kind of makes a sort of mockery of Lankhor Mhy, what with him being a very tall and noble God and these Dwarves all stumpy and beardy, it just doesn't go right. By the way, do Ferrets get a wage? It's not the money, of course, as I'd only donate it to a temple or give it away to the needy but best to ask these things in advance.
I look forward to hearing from you and maybe serving you in the future as a Ferret.